Thoughts"
by Soulfire Stories
Summary: Harrison thinks


Do I ever get the girl? Will it ever happen? Actually when I think about it, I just don't want THE girl, I want Sam. Samantha. Sammy. It doesn't matter how you say it she is still the girl that I have uncontrollably fallen in love with. It's weird, almost my whole life I have been in love with Brooke McQueen… everything about Brooke made me feel like this big grinning idiot, the way she walked… the way she talked… the way she smiled; but not once did I think about how she was only my friend when it benefited her… how she used my feelings to get back at Josh… asked me out to a dance just to spite Sam… ignored me when she suddenly became too popular to hang out with the unpopular guy. But I have to admit that Brooke has changed a lot, she is no longer that cruel popular girl in high school, she has actually grown a heart and she has become one of my best friends, she was there for me when I was in the hospital and we were there for each other; she knows how I feel about Sam, who wouldn't? It's obvious by the way I look at Sam whenever she enters the room. There's this charisma about Sam when she walks into a room that I have never noticed before, maybe it was because I was in love/lust with Brooke or maybe it's just because I'm blind. Sam has to be the most beautiful person I am friends with, no she is probably the most beautiful person I know. When I was in the hospital with cancer, I felt myself dying inside and I wanted to give up, I didn't want to live anymore but Sam kept popping into my head. If I gave up I would be causing her to lose another loved one to cancer, her father died of it and that had broken Sam's heart but with time her broken heart healed along with the help of me, Carmen and Lily; and right when she thought that, that pain was over my illness, the same illness her father had, brought back all the old memories. I remember when I told the whole school that I had cancer I looked straight at Sam, because she was my strength, she gave me the courage to face the whole school like I did and tell them what was really wrong with me… When Clarence told me that I was the one that made Sam strong I was shocked because I always thought Sam was the one that made me strong. After seeing how much I affected how Sam turned out I'm glad I didn't jump off that building, I would rather die a thousand deaths to let Sam marry a guy who would abuse her, I would kill myself before I saw Sam get lost in drugs and liquor… I would walk into the pits of hell for Sam… sure it sounds just a tad bit extreme but it's the way I feel. Sam is this unattainable thing for me, she is on a whole different level then I am, but it kinda gives me hope, maybe if I try my best for the rest of my life I can have her, know that she loves me the way I love her, that I am her dream come true like she is for me, that she wants to marry me and only me, that her thoughts consist of me and only me… cause that's how I feel… all that is the way I see her and feel for her. Some people say that they know what love is, they may know what love is but I bet a thousand dollars that if they knew what real love was like they wouldn't want it; real love is more something you dream of instead of actually achieve… keeping your mouth quiet never telling that you love her because you know that it will hurt her pretending just to be friends even though you know it's more for you… that's real love, real love isn't all flowers and candies and I love you it's harsh and it hurts and it's about letting go or in my case never letting them know. I watch from afar as Sam falls head over heels in love with George Austin even though he is never around, where is he nowadays anyways? I'm there for Sam when she needs a shoulder to cry on, I'm there to lend a helping hand when Sam needs it, I'll be the one that holds her hair back when she is throwing up from drinking, I'll be the one that sits on the phone for hours while she rants about her day, I'll be the one that writes her letters each and every day if she goes to a different college, I'll be the one that holds her hand in her time of need and maybe one day I'll be the one she loves. I can only hope. 


End file.
